Not What They Expect

I’ve always been a round peg in a square hole. My whole life I’ve never quite fit in. I can pinpoint four reasons, not in any particular order:

I have an affinity for embroidery that suggest I should have lived before my time. Or in at least been born in Istanbul!

• We had very unique parents with a very specific point of view.

• We really didn’t watch tv, mostly news shows, cooking show, and documentaries; pop culture was kind of lost on us.

• We were raised in New England and the family moved to New Jersey, my dad’s birthplace. I was just turning 13. New Jersey, especially Southern Jersey, is it’s own kind of place.

• We were raised to appreciate all types of music, read ferociously, and appreciate people for they are, not how they looked.

Fast forward to last month…

I was on Facebook with some colleagues. This particular group was diverse but I would say at least 70% black, residing in and South of Maryland. The subject was missing live music events and the woman leading this conversation asked, “What is the best concert you’ve ever been to?” Right away I was excited because live music is literally my jam! I’m an avid concert goer and believe nothing beats a live music event with real musical artists. Then I paused. And I looked at the other comments first. Why? Because remember, round peg square hole. Because remember the above demographic statistic on this particular Facebook group.

I can be a very colorful round peg!

As I looked at previous comments I saw:

• Anita Baker

• Luther Vandross

• Prince

• Michael Jackson

• Beyonce

• Alicia Keys

• Among others of similar genres of R&B and R&B/pop cross over.

What are my favorite concerts?

• Weezer

• Prince

• Cold Play

• John Mayer (When he doesn’t talk and just plays the guitar he’s amazing)

• 311

• The Lumineers

• AWOL Nation

• Barbra Streisand

You get my problem? No? Well I may look like I should able to relate to a 70% black female conversation, but, nope, doesn’t happen. What does happen is radio silence and stares. Then comments.

However, I found that I am not the only nerd, post punk, artist, classical music loving, strange clothes wearing black girl. There’s a few of us around. Hard to find, but we’re there. You see us in mosh pits, in Barnes and Nobles, at summer festivals, hiking in state parks, strolling through art galleries, and backpacking around Europe. And that’s why being an entrepreneur has never been a question.

Shorts, hose, and docs… my uniform.

I never fit in so I have always had to make my own way. And now that I’m older, and the world is getting smaller, I meet so many young women who are the same. They feel like they don’t fit in the box that is expected of them. They don’t feel like they fit in any box. And that’s okay. The Boutique by CCPCL and Cici Pagán Creative Living llc in general is really about being seen in a different light. It’s about not just seeing that someone is a round peg and trying to force them into the square hole. It’s about seeing the beauty of being a round peg. It’s about looking for another space to occupy instead of just the square hole. And sometimes it’s seeing that round or square, we’re both shapes that can’t be lived without. Too much of the shape metaphor’s?

The Boutique is about seeing that even when at first glance someone seems to not fit the mold you had in mind that you can look closer. My style may not be your style and may seem completely foreign to you. However, if you look closely you will find elements that we share - hand painted wearable art, small classic jewelry, large statement pieces, multifunctional clothing. My hope is that regardless of what your style, background, or view, you’ll be able to see a piece of yourself in me, and see we are all the same just put together a little differently.

My affinity for Birkenstock’s is well documented.

Remote Learning, Relocating, and Returning to Life

September seems to have come and gone but apparently the trees didn’t get the memo. Are we the only ones with a yard full of green leaves still? Poor earth, all confused! Well, my fam and I seem in sync with with summer disorientation lingering this month.

First, by an unexpected turn of evens we found ourselves house hunting. We’ve wanted to move for years but it never seemed to be the right time. So with this opportunity suddenly appearing we thought this may be it. Well it wasn’t it. However, instead going back to the regular scheduled program we got bit by the moving bug and started house hunting in earnest. If you know anything about the current housing market you know houses are selling quicker than snow cones down under; I’m talking 15 minutes after being listed! Needless to say we came away not only with no new home but frazzled nerves. We’ve been in our little house for 20 years. We raised our kids here, laughed/cried/screamed here, entertained and pow-wowed. We got my mom’s cancer diagnosis here, my dad’s, and my husbands. This back patio of this house is where I engraved my grandson’s name and mourned his loss. So in all sense of the word this is our home. We have, what for it, one and a half bathrooms! I know! We’ve raised kids and had sleepovers under these conditions! Any who, it seems like this is where we’ll stay. The middle young adult is about to spread his wings, the teenage girl is going into college, and the little is now in the school system, albeit remote, that has been so good to my kids.

Speaking of remote, we are now in the 3rd week of remote learning and feeling totally like fish out of water. Between computers not working, codes being written and rewritten, emails being accidently deleted, folders lost… we thought we’d never get settled in but here we are. The little is in Kindergarten and his teacher is online via Zoom for the full class. Here’s something you may not know. New Jersey is one of the few states who DO NOT have a state funded public homeschool option. This means you can indeed homeschool your children but it must be through a private school. Doing so with out state funding means each homeschool family’s budget dictates whether there is an online teacher visible in real time or whether there is no teacher and only written correspondence. Other states have the option to homeschool but the state pays to have the children do so they are synced up with the local public schools. I homeschooled by daughter from 3rd grade to 8th and we had to pay for all instruction through private education. What is ironic is that now, due to Covid, remoted learning connected right to the public school is now available. So it actually is one of those silver lining things for families that were considering homeschool anyway. Due to Covid, we are saving money on private education and, In our case, the teacher is there real time, full time, explaining and taking questions. How many things in your life have ironically turned out to be a silver lining in this Covid-19 fiasco?

The third thing that happened in September… I opened a boutique ya’ll! The Boutique by CCPCL was an exciting idea who’s time had come. It was a scary, bumpy, sleep deprived ride but I did it all on my own. That is one of the most satisfying thing for me. Troubleshooting, planning, and creating on my own. I’m 47 and could easily be out of touch with technology. Don’t get me wrong it’s not easy, but I get in there, do my research and get it going. Sometimes it takes 3 or 4 different videos saying the same thing in different ways, sometimes it takes reverse engineering, sometimes it takes 4 cups of coffee! In any event, the project that is yours’s is the project that you will always be proud of. I had a launch date of September 12th and I launched on September 12th! I was so moved by the support I received and the launch was a success. We opened with a bang and kind of like when you have a baby, I was simultaneously ecstatic but also acutely aware of what it will take to grow this baby.

Top take away of September?

1. If you can’t move still go to some open houses. You’ll get fresh new ideas on maximizing your space and maybe regain a whole new sense of gratitude about your current dwellings.

2. Big or small doesn’t matter, the family in the house does.

3. Even the worst circumstances can have some great silver linings.

4. Never say you can’t because you can. It may be hard, but that’s not the point. You can do it.

So what’s on tap for you in October? Now that we’re back to schedule I look forward to just settling into our routine even more. The one thing I really want to do though is to do some re-centering of myself. There’s some spiritual digging I want to do and some reaffirming of what I know to be true. I’ve found that during the quarantine some of the minutia of others has spilled over in my lane. The balance of helping others while not loosing my own grip, when does empathy become too much of a compromise, and why is it so easy to bring up self doubt. These are some questions I’m getting to the bottom of for myself, personally this month, in a kind way, not a self ridiculing way.

You’re not alone if you are still off balance, if things still don’t seem “normal,” and if you are convinced things will get worse before they get better; but all we can do is work on ourselves. Work on ourselves, love our families, be there for our tribe. Be kind, be empathetic, be generous. And give yourself a bit of time and grace.

Adventures In Boutiquing - Creative, Uncommon, Fun

So I have been head down and working my behind off trying to keep track of all that needs to be done to open the store and then actually executing whatever that is. I’ve finally got to the stage where I can see everything coming together, the to do list being checked off and launch day in clear sight!

One of the things that is in the owner’s hands is establishing who the brand is. I’ve blogged, been an artist, ran my own business, all for years so I have some branding experience. This time things were different. This is 2020, branding is is now front and center where before social media it was more subtle and called for a strategy that was pretty straight forward. Did you want to be mysterious and make people curious, or did you want to expose yourself and make people feel like you were their next door neighbor. That was basically it. Today everyone sees everything all the time. Even when you aren’t deliberately showing anything. Your brand needs to be well developed and clear in your head because you are present in many places at one time, whether you are physically there or not. And don’t forget with social media being on 24 7 there are thousands if not millions of people doing exactly the same thing you do every single day, every single moment, every single second. If you don’t know who you are you’l just disappear in the shuffle. Which is why I have three words. You may have noticed them under my logo, “Creative, Uncommon, Fun.” I think they completely express who I am and what I want to put out into the world. Even this post-Covid world where everything is no longer like it used to be, these three words still hold significance with who I am and why I create and now curate.

Creative. Creating is making something from nothing but it can also be making something new from something that already exists. Why does one create? To express themselves. Whatever expression, endearment, happiness, sadness, confusion, elation, contemplative, furious - all expressions that are expressed through creating. Whether we create a circumstance, a manifesto, a situation, paint a scene, take a picture, put together an outfit, or decide to do none of the above, we are expressing ourselves. So I say it is happening every second, why not deliberately consider what you are creating, what you are participating in, and have a say in it so it reflects who you really are?

Uncommon. The definition of common includes ordinary, standard, and plain. Need I say more? Why think what everyone else thinks, do what they do, be who everyone else is?

Fun. I think one word when I think fun. Light-hardheartedness . Is it frivolous to dare be light hearted with the state of the world today? Absolutely not, I’m no doctor but I think it just may be the remedy for the anxiety, depression and discouragement that we all feel at some point or another.

So that’s me, that’s where my head and heart is. That’s what I want to contribute to the world with my art and with my boutique. What I’m interested in now is what do you think when you hear the three words? What does creative, uncommon, fun, respectively mean to you? This will be the subject of this week I want to share your feelings and looks you create from these three words?

Adventures in Boutiquing

It is July 24, 2020 and I am launching my online boutique on September 12, 2020 and I’m currently at the what-was-I-thinking phase! The process started out slow with getting my licensing and paperwork in order, sourcing my vendors. Now I am ramped up in full on crazy business mode and I won’t deny wishing, right at this moment, that I had a partner. My to do list is 20 items long and literally break a sweat at the thought of the integrating as in “integrate your excel list to Quick Books,” or “integrate Shopify to your website.” Maybe this isn’t as much as a blog post as a inquiry as to who knows how to integrate. ANY ONE! ANYONE HERE KNOW HOW TO INTEGRATE?

Fresh Cherry Drink

This is the recipe adapted from the Cherry Soup recipe created by Ullenka the Fruit Queen on Instagram. this is the perfect recipe to create while cherries are in season. My version can be described as warm and cozy and lends itself to a cool night with a campfire or to cooler fall months. If you are skilled at canning you can totally just can this. I, however, am not so while I did put my beverage into mason jars and tops that have been sterilized, I put them in the refrigerator to use during the week. I don’t care for it cold but suspect creating it without the cinnamon or nutmeg might remedy that. The rest I put in containers and in the freezer where it should keep for a few months, no problem

You know I am a huge fan of creating your own experience and this is no exception. Play around with your favorite flavors and create your own version. This is mine:

About 3lbs of cherries (you can pit them if you have the patience. I don’t!)

Distilled or Spring Water

One large orange or Two Small

A chunk of peeled fresh ginger

1/2 lemon

2 teaspoons of almond extract

2 teaspoons of vanilla extract
1 teaspoon of cinnamon

Dash of nutmeg

Sweetner (I used 1/2 honey 1/2 unrefined sugar but agave or Stevia will work if that’s your preference)

I put everything in a soup pot and made sure the water came about an inch over the cherries.

Bring it to just the boiling point (not a heavy boil) cover and then put the top on and let keep it at a soft boil for about 20. If you don’t have the top on you will loose a lot of liquid. If it just simmers you won’t get the full flavor.

I just kept tasting it until it got to the flavor I liked. I did take out the lemon 1/2 through the process because I didn’t want any more lemon flavor than it was by that time.

When I put it in jars I did put the cherries in with it to keep getting whatever flavor from them might be left but honestly they really have no real taste by then but you could still eat them if you preferred.

Ullenka made hers as a soup to eat with a spoon. I would rather put even broth in a mug and drink instead of the spoon thing. For me to like it as a soup I would have to add something like coconuts, mandarin orange slices, maybe even a nut of some sort. In other words, I would need more texture for me to consider it a soup.

And that’s it!

Sorry if you want more detail then that but I totally serious that anyone can do this and make it their own version! If you try it let me know!! I want to know if you changed it or made it as is! Also check out Ullenka on her Instagram, she does amazing things with fruit!

Creating Your Rhythm

Today is Monday and, though I hate to sound like an Instagram cliché ,this day is haaarrrddd!

I’m a fan of noticing your personal rhythm. I’m no psychologist but am in tune with things enough to know everyone has one. A few years ago I noticed my week is really from Thursday to Sunday and my weekends are Monday thru Wednesday. I’m most in tune, focused, and goal orientated Thurs-Sun. I tend to be prone to self care, low key work, and even putting things off Mon-Wed.

Can you guess which was taken on a weekend and which one is today, Monday?

I believe it’s from having a chronic illness (fibromaylgia). I build my energy and focus on my health the first 3 days of the week so I can be as fully engaged in the weekend when the family is together. Our family time is important. Of course these days we spend most of our time home together but pre-covid, we would take day trips or long weekends. We do still do so some volunteer work, worship together, and try to get some outside time. In any event, by the time Monday rolls around I’m exhausted. It takes me 3 days to recover, then I start all over.

This is what I mean by living “creatively.” We all do it, even if we don’t realize it or if we call it something different. We all adapt. My adapting my week to my health is creating a schedule that works for me, curating my life so I am as effect and happy as possible!

Try - Good Flare by Good American

Whether you love or hate the Kardashians you have to admit they know a thing or two. One of which is how to make the body look better in clothes. So when Khloe started a clothing line starting with jeans, I was here for it.

I didn’t take the leap immediately because I had sizing questions and for some reason the reviews never really cleared them up. I’m all about a flare or bell bottom right now so when I saw Tori Spelling modeling the Good Flare it caught my attention. Then when I saw them on sale at Nordstrom I was excited because Nordstrom reviewers are pretty thorough. Sure enough, these reviews were ones that gave me a better idea of the fit. I read they were stretchy and ran big and no one seemed to be complaining about the high waist. Sometimes high waisted jeans are shaped for long torsos and not for the fuller figure. There is definitely a difference when try them on. The high waist created for long torsos end up with crotch sagging on short waists; whereas high waist to fit and flatter curves stays in place and provides shaping. The sizing for this style was just regular numerical, so I felt like I had a handle on the fit. Based on the size chart and the last time I measured, I’m was 18. For reference I’m currently a perfect 16 in Michael Kors jeans, and am also currently wearing some express jeans in an 18. In Eloquii I’m a size 14 jean. I ordered a 16 in the Good American Good Flare. They are roomy for sure but because they are flare style I don’t mind them a little big for a more vintage, casual style. For a more contemporary look I’d size down one more and do the 14.

I hope my review is more informative for you than some of these others out there!

Do You Suffer From Post Covid Outbreak Anxiety Syndrome?

The new normal.

As I’m writing this we are in the early stages of the world reopening. It’s been almost 2 months that New York and New Jersey have been pummeled by the Covid-19 Novel Corona Virus. The country and world came to a complete halt. I’m absolutely positive there is no point in going into details because no matter when you may read this, today or a hundred years from today, if there is still an internet you’ll be able to see every last detail. The whole thing seemed to just blind side us all and come out of no where. One day things are great and you hear rumblings of a virus in China. The next thing you know people are dying all around with no place to put bodies. Conspiracy theories aside, not because I don’t subscribe but because they are irrelevant at this point, it all has been so much to absorb. Mentally and emotionally there is trauma. All around. Everyone. Show me someone who says they aren’t effected and I will show you a liar. Even those that are hanging on to opinion that the whole world is over reacting are still being effected, they’re still fighting for life as they knew it.

Balance is needed to teach the littles safety while not allowing them to absorb the anxiety that is all around.

What I’ve never been shy about is admitting I’m a walking mix of issues, including a diagnosis of PTSD last fall from a combination of current family trauma including but not limited to my husband’s brain cancer and old trauma of sexual abuse by a family member. What happens when you put someone already battling PTSD in another traumatic situation like a pandemic? Is there a Post Traumatic Stress with Added Stress Syndrome? No there’s not but I just coined the anagram PCOAS, Post Covid Outbreak Anxiety Syndrome… you get the point. As with many anxiety suffers my anxiety level goes off the charts immediately after a traumatic experience. Side note: I’ve recently been told that people can live their whole lives without a traumatic experience. I had no idea my life of multiple traumas wasn’t just the way things are. Anywho, I’ve had enough traumatic experiences to realize my MO is to have extreme anxiety for an undetermined time after. Strangely enough I didn’t expect it in this instance. We’ve been sheltering in place. My family is home together, all healthy as far as Covid is concerned. I would say the circumstances have posed need for serious action as far as staying safe and keeping my parents safe also but I really thought I was handling it well. Until last week. My son and daughter that still live home are working and still occasionally going out and I’m not able to think of anything but them being in car accidents. I’m can’t sleep from having dreams one of my children dying. I’m nervous my daughter, who has severe allergies, will not only be in an accident but she’ll be taken to the hospital and be given something she’s allergic to and go into anaphylaxis. I literally ordered her a medical ID bracelet two nights ago at 2 am. The root? This pandemic came so suddenly with absolutely nothing we could do to stop it. Like a tsunami we never saw coming. So the subconscious says, “What else do I not see coming?”

The one I’m trying to keep safe and one of the sources of my anxiety!

So what is the remedy? The suggestion from my therapist is to keep a worry journal. A little different from my usual gratitude journal. List all my worries and then leave them. Leave them to leave the subconscious in peace, to sleep in peace.

I’ve been thinking about this for a few days and am going to start today. Here. This is what I’m working with tonight.

Tonight's Worries

Covid-19 is a huge reminder that we have extremely limited control, if at all, over life.

After listing tonight’s worries, well not all but the top three, my immediate thought is that I heard it said somewhere that anxiety is an indulgence only the privileged can partake of. As you look at my top 3 worries tonight do I, an American, who’s family is not effected by job loss during Covid, who’s refrigerator is full, am I being indulgent in my worries? I do believe every person’s ailments, illnesses, experiences, and feelings are as valid as anyone else’s. And my worries are valid; they are very real possibilities that exist. However, is there a line of sanity that is crossed by this type of anxiety, anxiety based on hypothetical possibilities, when there are people literally dying? Even in my own family my husband’s brain cancer, my mother’s metastatic cancer, they literally are in danger of loosing their lives. Yet even still, they are stable NOW. Why live paralyzed by the what and miss the now? So as I’m working this out in my head as I type I now see what people who “don’t believe in anxiety” see. It is so counter productive and has an element of self involvement that boarders on indecency. Yet while you can read many opinions that say anxiety is only a behavioral issue, the Mayo Clinic says, “Having an anxiety disorder does more than make you worry. It can also lead to, or worsen, other mental and physical conditions.” So it is a mental disorder but not always, it can also be a symptom of a physical ailment or side effects of medication. You can read their post about it here.

What I’m realizing is the worry journal goes hand in hand with the gratitude journal. The gratitude journal completes an exercise that the worry journal begins. The worry journal puts the worries in proper size. It’s like in your head your worries are being seen in a fun house mirror, a thousand times their actual size. The worry journal helps you to gain perspective. Then if you go to the gratitude journal you take the good, which is in the mirror in your head that makes things smaller, and make them the actual size; which is more than likely way bigger than the now smaller worries. Does it make anxiety go away? I doubt it will for me, but it will let me have control over my anxiety and not let my anxiety control me.

Lessons From Vacation Packing

Our family vaca plans were cancelled due to Covid-19. Though we’ve rescheduled, at this time our reschedule date isn’t even guaranteed. So it’s time to unpack.

We all have some variation of this carry on backpack. I chose this Cabin Zero because of the roomy interior with room for custom cubes.

To make the best of this moment I thought I’d post one of my surprise finds. To set the stage let me start by saying I don’t think of myself as well traveled, though I’ve been a few places on and off the continent. I used to be the girl with enough luggage for 10 handlers. Shoes for every day, and spare outfits in case I changed my mood. Since I hit my forty’s I’ve found myself so much more into the experience of travel and being in the moment. So much so that I really give little attention to what I’m wearing and had found myself with way too much baggage. Literally. So when I started planning this trip I thought I’d put the effort into the perfect packing experience. I thought I would teach my daughter and my niece, who are traveling with us, to learn the ultimate packing lesson while they are still young travelers. So when I scoured the internet for this trip looking for packing suggestions I was pleasantly surprised to find there is no shortage of packing gurus across all social media platforms! The result? I found the perfect travel backpacks that are the size of carry ons and the plan was for everyone to bring one and done! I even found a laundromat near where we are staying in the first country and planned for us to hit it before we switched destinations so we can essentially only travel with one week of clothes instead of two!

The other benefits of packing light in Europe?

1. European elevators can be small if the place you’re at has them at all.

2. European stairwells can be steep and extremely narrow.

3. Depending on your itinerary, you could be walking some ways, or lugging all your luggage on a train.

4. And, as someone who loves the travel-like-a-local experience, this matters to me; there is no huge “American Tourist” sign as big as strolling through the streets with enough luggage to hunker down for a decade!

So what happened when I presented my packing euphoria to the group? They were not on board! At all! It was a coup! No one was on board with me. So I had to compromise. In the end we are each taking a moderately sized check in. So we will each have a carry on back pack, and be rolling only one piece of luggage. The baby even has his little pieces! So yes, we will still look like visitors but hopefully we can appear to be from anywhere (of course until we open our mouths)!

Curve Appeal Compression jeggings

Photo copyright Nordstrom Rack

So what sparked the post is that I found a pair of amazing red, compression jeggings, which is not the first thing you think of packing for Europe. My plan was to be a bit more refined than usual so I can be camera ready and not so typical. Red jeggings didn’t fit into that idea, or so I thought. I ordered these because the words “compression jeggings” interested me, not to wear on the trip. I was so surprised at how amazing they are that I wanted to include them in my vaca wear. They fit perfectly, make my butt look great, and are so comfy! So I went to work on trying to get 3 looks - the criteria to make it into my luggage.

With one carry on back pack, and one check in bag, I have to maximize my outfits for 2 weeks with room to bring back more than we’re leaving with. So here are the looks I created.

Red compression jeggings from Curve Appeal with:

1. Sage, stripped, layered button down shirt (D & Co.) and black leather boots (Jeffery Campbell).

2. Long, black tunic with double side slits (G.I.L.I), and black trainers (Nike).

3. Mock-camo print long tank (LOGO) with faux suede, floral jacket (Tahari) and black suede booties (Vince Camuto).

Side Note: I tried these looks with a different pair of shoes each but that is not part of my packing plan. The plan is to take one pair of brown boots, a pair of black boots, a pair of white trainer, black flats, and a pair of black heels. Five pairs is still a look but I’ll be wearing one pair, and I learned form my online packing classes that underwear can be rolled up and put into your shoes, providing more space. Since I’m taking boots, probably Dr Martens and a pair of booties, hopefully I can roll a t shirt or two in them!

Striped layered button down from D & Co.

Photo Copyright QVC

Long tunic with double side slits from G.I.L.I

Photo Copyright QVC

Logo mock camo long tank

Photo Copyright QVC

Faux suede floral jacket from Tahiri

Photo Copyright Nordstrom

So the moral of the story?

1. Don’t let the wind out of your sails just because no one is on board with your idea!

2. Don’t have a preconceived idea that a garment will not fit into your vacation plans.

3. Always stay flexible in your head about plans that seem to be rock solid. If we’ve learned anything during Covid-19 in 2020 is that anything can happen, and it’s best to make your mind up to go with the flow!

Recipe - White Chocolate Peanut Butter Quinoa Drops

I’ve been trying to get down with quinoa for about 4 years now and I just never was able to make it at home in a way I liked. Between the total lack of flavor and it being a bit watery, it always fell flat. Well there’s nothing like dietary peer pressure to keep you going! A friend of mine has quinoa at least 3 times a week and raves about it constantly so I’ve had an eye open for a really good recipe to try.

Enter Gwyneth Paltrow’s cookbook “It’s All Good.” I’m not really sure how I feel about her but I am a Goop follower. Love her or hate her I’d say the info she brings up and suggests is worth a look. I feel it only takes some self awareness and common sense to know what parts of Goop to leave on the shelf. That being said, I have always found her cookbooks and recipes to be legit as far as taste, and easy to execute. So when I found her cookbook on sale, I grabbed it without hesitation. And am I glad I did because it included one sentence that changed my life in regards to quinoa. “Place a dry towel between the pot and the lid and let the quinoa sit for at least 5 minutes.” That’s it! It’s that simple! And my quinoa is perfect! So perfect in fact I challenged my friend to creating new recipes using this chameleon grain.

This is my first creation, Quinoa Drops. They’re perfect marble sized and refrigerated. I now keep a bowl of them in the fridge. I made these with Peanut Butter & Co’s White Chocolatey Wonderful but any nut butter will do. Though I don’t know how many, these must be packed with protein and antioxidants. Even a yes for you Keto krazies out there!

The other thing that makes them amazing is it’s a recipe with just a little of this and a little of that. No measuring required!

Ingredients

About 2 cups of quinoa

About 1 1/2 cups of nut butter

About 1/4 cup of dark chocolate chips

About 1 teaspoon of Himalayan pink sea salt or favorite sea salt

Assemble

Put quinoa in a bowl and mix with the chocolate chips and salt.
Make a well in the middle of the mix. Add the nut butter in the well. With a spoon turn and pat the quinoa, slowly mixing with the nut butter. You want the quinoa to stick as well as possible without all the nut butter showing through.
Once it’s mixed well refrigerate for about 20 minutes. Once chilled, use a spoon to pick up about a teaspoon of the mixture and roll into a ball using your clean hands.
Place on a piece of parchment or on a plate and chill once again. Keep refrigerated and eat when ready.

Can also be frozen.

Makes approximately 12 drops.

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How Does She Do It? Four Tips to Looking Effortless.

We all know that one woman who makes it all look so easy! Her style is impeccable, her makeup is perfect, she always seems calm, cool and collected. She wears white pants year around and you can barely sip your latte without it dribbling down your shirt! Why? How?

First of all, what we aren’t going to do is think that anyone’s life is easy. Repeat after me… it’s not! No ifs, ands, or buts about it! Second, if you admire something about someone else, create that thing for yourself. You want to appear effortless and put together? It’s a piece of cake!

Have a uniform with your favorite colors, styles, and products so you are all ways the best version of yourself!

1. Know your style. We all have our own style. If you aren’t sure what your’s is sift through some fashion magazines at your local book store or better yet; make yourself a Pinterest account, search “style” and any other fashion words you can think of and make a boards of things that speak to you. Then take a look at that board. That’s your style.

2. Own your style. Your style is unique to you. It doesn’t matter who does or doesn’t like it. Own it. Of course you want to be appropriate for events and situations but every style can be adapted to be appropriate for your lifestyle. The key is to be confident in your style.

3. Make a uniform. Don’t get overwhelmed with pieces or prices. Start small. Is there a blouse that just makes you swoon? Get the blouse. A pair of jeans that are the cut that looks best on you? Find those jeans. A cardigan that makes you feel cozy all over? Find one in your price range. Then use it as your uniform. This is your style. Add pieces in colors that are you, or materials you like, but only if you love them and they fit your style. Never purchase anything you wouldn’t include in your Pinterest board. As long as you are staying within your style it will start to feel effortless, hence it will start to appear effortless to others too.

4. Apply steps 1-3 to other things in your life.

Makeup? Same. Learn your skincare and makeup needs. Choose your products and then keep them like a uniform. Extra tip: Find the perfect lipstick that makes you happy and wear it everywhere, all the time. The easiest way to seem put together!

Jewelry? You guessed it! Do the same. I’ve been wearing hoop earrings since the 80’s, and I purchased them in real gold for them to be eternal. One pair I’ve had since 8th grade (true story). I occasionally wear other earrings but I have a large yellow gold pair, and a small yellow gold pair. I have a large white gold pair, a medium white gold, and a small white gold pair. I never have to think about it. I love them. They’re me. They’re my signature! I feel confident in them, confidence contributes to looking effortless.

Hoops are my effortless go-to and part of my daily uniform.

Dinner? Yes, I said dinner. You CAN make dinner effortless! Get your June Cleaver on with a make a meal-a-day plan. Monday is meatless, Tuesdays are tacos, Wednesdays you eat chicken, Thurs… well you get the point. You could even be more specific than the meal type and just make the exact same meal every week on the same day.

Accident prone? Some of us just are, but this is the most simple remedy to keep you looking like it’s never an issue. Tide laundry pens, hand wipes, and a white wash cloths. Keep a little makeup bag with these items in it. The white wash cloth goes under your garment as you tend to the stain on top, it collects any ot the stain that could go through. Get it quick and it’s like it never happened! Do you really think she’s never spills a thing?

Taco Tuesdays don’t even have to be homemade. It’s the benefit of having Tuesday dinners being a no-brainer that will have you feeling like super woman!

So you see where I’m going with this? With just a little effort and planning on the front end, you can literally get some parts of your life down to a science. Will that assure the rest of your life runs like clockwork? Of course not! However, every little bit counts. The confidence you’ll get from being organized this way is priceless and will radiate through your day, the reduction in anxiety will show through. Soon you’ll have them asking, “How does she do it?”

Review of Assets Sculpting Leggings by Spanx

These ponte knit leggings are so good! They’re high waist and come in regular waist too. I’m 5’3” and the length is perfect, but they do come in ankle length. They’re at Target, HERE, and of course since it’s Target you can often find a sale!

It All Comes Around Again - Shop These Bell Bottom Flares

My personal style is eclectic. Part Iris Arpel, part Greenwich Village circa 1988, part high school art teacher, with a little Edna Mode thrown in. So I don’t have to tell you how happy I am that I can grab up some bell bottoms and flares this season. I’m still on the hunt for the wide but straight leg, Levi button fly jeans that I wore to death. They were an old boyfriends and I had cut the legs off to fit me. They were life with shell toe Adidas, pause for a moment of memory… Until I can find something close I’m more than satisfied with this find from Eloquii. I’m still that girl that’s going to where them dusting the ground with my Adidas but I might want to wear them with heels, so I got one to cut and one to keep long. They’re super stretchy and super nostalgic and super me! If they’re you too and you got some curves going on go to www.eloquii.com and search Bell Bottom Flares, they’re currently 40%!

Bell Bottom Flares - With heels

Eloquii’s Bell Bottom Flares - with trainers.

Go Here to shop the jeans

The Best Gift Ever - My Late In Life Baby

The last 2 weeks of the year always puts the family and me in a tailspin. With vacation days from work and school the house is full of people coming and going. Now that we can resume our regular schedule I’m left a little dazed. I’m beginning this new year in the best way I know how; by searching my heart and mind and bringing gratitude to the fore. Forget that the words mindfulness, intention, self-care etc., have been hijacked by the advertisers and marketers as buzz words to sell more stuff - sitting in a quiet place and recounting gratitude is one of the healthiest exercises you can do.

This morning I laid in bed and gave thanks for my soon-to-be 5 year old son. My gratitude for him is unique for a few reasons. I’m hoping you can relate to my feelings in some way:

1. I found out I was pregnant with him after 2 years of cancer struggle with both my parents. When faced with death, the gift of life is like a soothing balm and welcomed ray of sunshine. Anticipation of a new life was therapeutic for the whole family.

2. He was born in 2015 and my husband was diagnosed with brain cancer in 2016. We had to make an important decision about fertility before he underwent chemo and radiation. I know that had we not had the baby we still would have decided we were done having children and wouldn’t have made a back up plan. Had that been the case we definitely could have lived with that decision, but, we know now that we would’ve missed out on so much.

3. I know women have children at all ages now, but for me personally 41 was late in life for having another child. My children were 24, 17, and 12. They were in all different directions as far as what they were doing in life. I was doing full-time volunteer work, helping my parents who were ill, working, traveling for work, and homeschooling my daughter. I was overextended. My family was going in all different directions. And I wasn’t conscious of it. I felt like they were capable of more independence than they really were. Yes, they were getting older; but they still needed the stability of coming together regularly at home. We weren’t even having a family dinner once a week. With everyone on different schedules the kids never communicated with each other. Even my husband and I were on totally different schedules. The baby was a huge stop sign for us all. Everyone seemed to be reminded of family when he came along. He was an umbrella that drew us all into the same space that made each one of us stop and feel love. While he was attaching himself to our hearts, he tied us all together again. We looked at each other more. I say the mother sets the tone and in reality I was stopped dead in my tracks. Even the postpartum depression created a bond from everyone chipping in to help with this new situation.

The kids are all 5 years older now and still blazing their own trails in this world. I think what has remained constant since the little one was born is me. I now try to be consistent in setting a united tone. My surprise baby is my constant reminder that what is most important is in this house. My family. I have the ability to make sure we come together regularly, that we check in on each other, to remind us all that family comes first. So I’m grateful. We needed our sweet little boy more than we ever knew. And he’s the gift that keeps on giving, the constant, walking reminder of love and family.

When We Label We Loose

Living with gratitude and joy is not instantaneous. It’s not something you can master overnight if you can ever indeed master it. It’s an ongoing process that takes deliberate practice daily.It’s something I certainly haven’t mastered but work day after day to maintain and grow. I had lunch with a friend and it was the second time this week someone had said to me something along the lines of I had my stuff together. To me this ranks right up there with the dreaded, “you’re so strong!” comment. Neither are sentiments I stand by or will allow to go unaddressed. For two reasons.

1. IT’S SIMPLY NOT A TRUE STATEMENT: There is no one who has their stuff together. Fight me. There’s just no way! If one area is together, I can confidently say another area in life is in shambles or at least disheveled a bit. What makes us all the same is we are all human. There is no human who has it all together.

2. STRENGTH IS RARELY PURE GRIT: I’m strong willed and opinionated but that shouldn’t be confused with with being strong as in, “she can handle anything.” When it comes to crisis or challenges in my life I usually have no other option but to put my head down and walk through the storm. Especially with kids… is there really any other option? My faith and, I believe God, gives me the will to fight when in just isn’t in me. And not to be overlooked is pure stubbornness. Sometimes just being completely stubborn means I’m gonna get it done!

3. IT ROBS ME OF SUPPORT: Yes we live in a time where we are pretty used to saying ourselves. What is true is that, yes, we need to know ourselves and be responsible for our personal growth. We cannot find happiness in others, it’s an inside job as they say. Still, again going back to the fact that we are all human, we must acknowledge that a life with those who support us and are there for us and empathize with us is a better life than one without. The need for someone to witness and understand our plight and circumstances is fundamental to the human condition. So someone holding on to the idea that I, or anyone, has it all together robs us of the support and understanding that eases the burdens we all carry. If people think we have it all figured out and all together then we get overlooked as the “strong” ones. The word strong, attached by others, can quickly translate to alone for the ones who wear the label.

My gratitude for my family keeps going, and maybe makes it look easier than it really is!

So I say… understand that my Instagram does not make up a complete picture of my life. The days I don’t post are often days I am completely overwhelmed, or battling health issues of my own or someone in my family. Understand that when I post about gratitude and joy it’s just as much a post to myself because I need to remind me of the keys to happiness. I post and express myself because if I kept it all in I would explode, not because I have it all figured out. I share because there’s a tribe of a few who are living with similar battles and struggles but still want to make the most of their lives. If you are reading this, chances are we have an interchange of support and for that I thank you. And to all I say, support your tribe, including the ones who “seem” to have it all together.

Products - Let's Talk Toners

What are toners? Why may your skincare line not have one? Do you need one? Watch below as I answer these questions for you in my vlog post, “Let’s Talk Toners!”

Personal Update - In A Quiet Place

When you have committed to being on a journey of self-awareness you become aware of changes and shifts as they are actually taking place. 

I'm currently in a hyper-reflective space. If you follow my posts, you might remember I was going through a rough patch and wondering if it was all peri-menopause related. I was actually diagnosed as having PTSD and have been trying to combine physical, emotional, and mental healing methods. 

I've been following Ullenka Kash and incorporating this eating style back into my life. I've always weaved in and out of a macro, vegitarian-ish way of eating and have really got away from it. I'm now not only just preparing plant heavy meals for myself, but my the whole family. 

Exercise, of course is an on going theme. I know the power of exercise in healing the body in a plethora of ways and need to get in action. I have the habit of wanting to go hard or nothing, which often translates to nothing! I'm now focusing on basic movements that I can sustain more easily on a daily basis. 

Increasing quantity and variety of plants in my cooking. Here: a bit of white fish with tomatoes, shallots and fennel.

Spiritually, I'm really trying to improve my meditation. Not mind empty meditation but deep contemplation on my connection to my Creator. 

Emotionally, I had pressed the pause button on friendships. It was drastic but 100% needed and I’m glad I did that for myself. I actually got a new phone, changed my phone number, and told no one. It left me to become truly aware of who was really in my life. I only put numbers back in of people I truly still had connections with. It also left me to see who wanted to really get in touch with me because finding my number would take a little digging. It's been about two years and I’m feeling like reaching out to people I miss is truly authentic. And I feel at ease and not forced. I am nurturing relationships that have understanding and undercurrents of positivity with people who appreciate life and strive for growth. 

“Stress, loss, and past traumas can effect you even when you feel like you are functioning well. It’s important to be in communication with your doctors/therapist to stay on top of what is really going on.”

I'm respecting the signals that I need to adjust for my mental health. I'm checking vitamin levels, hormones, and health issues that can have an effect on my mental health. 

So through all this I've come to a place where I feel like some things are shifting. I'm feeling quiet which, as a person with constant head chatter, is huge! 

Life is about constant change and letting go of control. It's amazing how many things you can tell yourself effect you, only to realize they aren't in your control. And it's interesting to discover that what is actually effecting you is what you told yourself isn't an issue. I'm grateful to be able to be able shift and realize it's not all some great strength I personally have, but the connections I have what's greater than me. 

There's a Huge Elephant in the Room, and It's Holding a Toothbrush!

This is not an endorsement for any dental product or practice.

If you follow me on social media you have seen the center of my world, my children. At 40 I found out I was pregnant with our fourth child, surprise! We call him our surprise baby and not our oops! baby because he truly was, and is a gift. 4 years of wonder and joy. If you look at all the pics I have posted of my 4 year old wonder you will see he has a tooth missing. His left incisor is gone and his right incisor looks a bit wonky. No, he didn’t loose the tooth, we had to have it pulled at the age of 2. Totally traumatic as parents! I try to avoid a conversation about it because there is some educated-first-world-mom-guilt that comes along with it.

The left incisor was extracted. The right incisor was saved but not without a little damage.

What Went Wrong?

Why the need to pull the tooth? It’s because of something called “bottle rot,” which is simply baby tooth decay. It was something I had heard about but never thought would ever be an issue with any of my children, and it wasn’t, until my youngest came along. According to The National Institute of Dental and Craniofacial Research, “Overall dental caries (decay) in the baby teeth of children 2 to 11 declined from the early 1970s until the mid 1990s. From the mid 1990s until the most recent (1999-2004) National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey, this trend has reversed: a small but significant increase in primary decay was found. This trend reversal was more severe in younger children.” I thought maybe it was due to always using bottled water and not water with fluoride, but I read that fluoride treated water in fact does not reduce the instances of early childhood tooth decay. As a mom with (a different) child with severe food allergies I am keenly aware of all the hidden ingredients in food, I suspect the root of the increase in early childhood tooth decay is hidden sugars.

I can only speak to our experience and the facts that I believe contributed to my little guy’s tooth decay.

1. He was the only one of my 4 children that was bottle fed from the early months. My first three children were breast-fed then weaned to a cup. If they had a bottle after weaning it only contained water. Because of health issues my youngest was bottle fed formula from 3 months on. Without this post turning into a post about sugars in baby formula, I will say I was ever conscious of this fact and always included more water in the formula and never put the baby to bed with a bottle of full strength formula.

2. I kid you not, this little boy was born with swollen gums! His teeth came in sooner than any of my other children. Literally by 4 months his tooth was crowning. Not only was he an early teether, his incisor came in first which was a bit odd, since the front teeth are usually the first. So though it was a surprise we were starting to have trouble with his teeth, we weren’t surprised it was the left incisor, the first tooth that came in, or the right incisor which came in simultaneously with the front teeth.

3. Though my other children didn’t have issues with bottle rot, two have always had to have their teeth coated with a sealant as the dentists have always said they have soft enamel and possibly over acidic oral environments. We were told the same thing with the little guy.

4. We were in family crisis when the youngest turned one year old. It was then my husband was diagnosed with brain cancer and began surgeries and treatments. What does that have to do with the little guy’s teeth? Only the fact that by then we knew we were really in a battle to keep his incisor from decaying and were brushing his teeth more than twice a day and absolutely no formula while laying down. Then once my husband was spending considerable amounts of time in the hospital and we were leaving the baby with family, his delicate dental health really was pushed down the list. I do believe this is what put the nail in the incisor coffin, the easing up on Operation Save The Tooth, during our family emergency.

So as you can see, I’m no doctor or health professional but it doesn’t take a genius to see all these factors working together were in fact working against us.

I don’t think his dental issues have effected his cuteness level!

So, What Did We Do?

When it became apparent these teeth were really in jeopardy we consulted with a pediatric dentist and surgeon that specializes in early child tooth decay. At that point the little guy wasn’t even 2 yet. The surgeon agreed we would stay the course for as long as possible or until the baby turned 2 years old. We were able to hold off until 2. By this time my husband was home and I was able to resume the crazy brushing schedule and tight reign on his dental health at home. At age 2 you could tell there was no more active decaying. There was small indents in both of his two front teeth; these along with discoloration of the incisors had grown out. Meaning there was healthy tooth at the root (except that first incisor) and then these defects were further down. We allowed him to have a dental procedure preformed by this pediatric surgeon (who was highly recommended and was the surgeon for our dentist’s and hygienist’s children). They were able to put composite on the two front teeth, and cap both incisors. It was a very serious and hard decision to make to let the baby under go this procedure. Faced with the possibility of him needing his teeth pulled, it seemed like the best option. When the caps came off, less than two weeks later we had a host of emotions, including the guilt of choosing the general anesthetic and then it not even working. Upon going back we were never able to get the surgeon we had originally and did not have faith in the other professionals we saw in the practice. We felt lost but we knew there was no way were going to let him be put under again. We go back and do more research and thank goodness for internet reviews! We found an office in South Philly that patients were raving about. We took our little guy there not knowing who else to turn to. The dentist there agreed that by this time that incisor that was the first to come in was just to worn away and decayed to keep, and that extraction would be best. They allowed us to be in the room while they did the procedure, which was a must for me. The good news is that with regular visits and our vigorous home routine we’ve been able to keep the other incisor in tact, even though it looks a little worse for wear.

Stigma

So that’s our dental story! Is there any other cosmetic way of sizing up someone more powerful than assessing their dental health and teeth in their mouth? Missing, or rotting teeth is not only taken as a sign of questionable hygiene but also of income. After all, good teeth mean regular dental visits, regular dental visits mean good dental insurance, good dental insurance means a good job. And what kind of parent lets their child’s teeth rot? I instantly thought of the piece Diane Sawyer did about the forgotten children of the Appalachian Mountains that had soda in their bottles and sippy cups. How could this happen? We weren’t “those kind” of people!

My little puddin’ pop growing up! If you ask him where his tooth is he says, “I lost it!”

Well this subject, as with many others, forces you to come face to face with your biases, fears, and insecurities. The fact was we were the best parents we could be and circumstances were what they were. Now when I see children with dental issues I don’t form an opinion because I know the story may not be the one we automatically assume, like I used to. Apparently there’s nothing like a little tooth decay to knock you off a high horse!

So yes, my gorgeous, funny, wonderful boy is missing a tooth. And yes, I’m waiting patiently for his big boy teeth to come in, but until then he is no less beautiful to me. I’m still working on being okay with the stigma so if you approach the subject with me sideways, I may still come at you! Just saying. #nooneisperfect

What Should You Do?

So what would my suggestions to you be in regards to this whole subject?

1. From the beginning, if you are bottle feeding, be very conscious about formula being in the baby’s mouth when they’re resting. Delta Dental has this posted on their website,

   “To incorporate these changes:

   • Gradually dilute the bottle contents with water over a period of two to three weeks.

   • Once that period is over, if you give a child a bottle, fill it with water or give the child a clean pacifier recommended by a dentist. The only safe liquid to put in a bottle to prevent baby bottle tooth decay is water.

   • Decrease consumption of sugar, especially between meals.

   • Children should be weaned from the bottle as soon as they can drink from a cup, but the bottle should not be taken away too soon, since the sucking motion aids in the development of facial muscles, as well as the tongue.”

   We did incorporate these steps with my little guy and all I can think is that his decay would have been even worse if we had not.

2. Brush those little teeth as soon as they start coming in. I’m not sure where I personally stand on the subject of fluoride and currently am following the suggestions of our pediatric dentist. I can’t in good conscious speak on adding fluoride as soon as teeth crown because of articles like the ones on the Fluoride Action Network. One of their articles posted says this;

   ”Ingesting toothpaste during childhood is a major risk factor for dental fluorosis, and can also cause symptoms of acute fluoride toxicity (e.g., stomach pain, etc).

   The FDA now requires a poison warning on all fluoride toothpastes sold in the U.S.”

   As a parent and educated consumer you will have to do due diligence and come to a decision about how you feel about fluoride and your children.

3. If decay becomes an issue, research your pediatric dentist and specialist/surgeon. If you have any questions or concerns whatsoever and they aren’t addressed, find another dental professional.

4. Choose a pediatric dental practice and/or surgeon who’s first priority is to save the tooth. A rush to extraction, in my opinion, is not a good sign. You want extraction to be the last straw after all other options are exhausted.

5. If your baby must have a tooth extracted and you’ve done all you can, don’t beat yourself up about it. Ultimately the extraction is a sign that you took the necessary steps to keep your child healthy. These things happen, and as noted above it is even on the rise. Knowledge is power. If it’s happened to you, you are now in the position to help other moms with your experience.

We found a great pediatric dental team we love! No this is not a paid advertisement!

Go - One of the Best Kept Secrets in Philadelphia, The Barnes Foundation

Are you a die hard art lover? Do you just love the atmosphere of a museum or art gallery? Do you feel like, meh, you’ve seen one you’ve seen them all? Across the board, if any of the latter describes you I have just what you need! One of the best kept secrets of Philly, The Barnes Foundation.

The Barnes Foundation view from the front entrance.

What it is:

It’s hard to say what the Barnes Foundation is in one word, so here are a few…

Unique - It’s art school, meets arboretum, meets gallery, meets museum.

Cezzane (Personal Photo)

Impressive- A impressionism, post-Impressionism, and early modern, art lover’s dream! One of the greatest collections in the world! According to the Foundation (and a Wikipedia check), this private collection has 900 paintings including;

I only became aware of this Picasso painting by visiting The Barnes Foundation.

(Personal Photo)

181 by Renoir

69 by Cezanne

59 by Matisse

46 by Picasso

21 by Soutine

18 by Rousseau

16 by Modigliani

11 by Degas

11 by Chirico

7 by van Gogh

6 by Seurat

Strange- Also included among the paintings are ancient artifacts from Africa, Native American objects and jewelry, along with iron work and even Pennsylvanian Dutch furniture! What’s strange is they aren’t housed in separate areas, they are all commingled in a fascinating way that ultimately makes perfect sense in more than one way.

Ingenious- The paintings, artifacts, objects, and sculptures and furniture are arranged like no other museum I’ve ever known. They are grouped by ensembles created by the original collector himself and highlight:

This Renoir surrounded by Cezzanes shows Renoir’s smooth painting style against Cezzane’s signature strokes leaning towards Cubism. Also notice the Free mason iron work displayed to contribute to whole aesthetic.

(Personal Photo)

1. Artists that were friends and influenced each other

2. Pieces that reflect a contrast of art sentiment or style of the time

3. Pieces that when put together, make a completely separate artistic statement

4. The effect of natural light

Mysterious- Perfect for the conspiracy theorists who love the Freemason topic. The collector that created the Foundation was a member and symbols, some obvious some not so obvious, are seen throughout the layout of the museum.

Fascinating- This medical doctor’s personality was a juxtaposition of being cantankerous with neighbors but also kind and sensitive enough to have a need to share his philosophies of life that included benefiting from an appreciation of beauty, art and horticulture.

Can you see the similarities in this Modigliani and the African artifacts and other paintings around it?

The Founder

The Barnes Foundation started as the personal collection of the antiseptic inventor, medical doctor, and art collector, Dr. Albert C. Barnes. He was born into poverty in South Philadelphia but went on to make a fortune from his medical invention and pharmaceutical company, The A C Barnes Co.

After building his mansion in 1905 he started collecting art. With a keen art sense he was one of the first American collectors that had an appreciation for Modigliani and Soutine. Around 1908 Barnes started providing seminars and art discussion groups for his pharmaceutical employees. Eventually it grew to art programs in partnership with University of Penn and Columbia University.

This painting by Henri Rousseau is one of my favorites. The size along with the velvet like texture is really a treat for the eyes. What also makes this a favorite is Rousseau’s story. Not a trained artist, Rousseau was all but completely ignored. His work was criticized as unrefined. Rousseau is the poster child of never listening to the outside world. He stayed true to his vision and emerged as genius with a unique vision.

Sculptures in the same arrangement as they were in Dr Barnes original vision. The similarities in items that aren’t alike is again highlighted.

The Barnes Foundation was originally housed next to Barnes’ mansion and opened in 1925. It included Dr. Barnes unique ensembles that defied convention and included what appeared to be a hodge podge of artifacts and paintings. The Dr. included a trust with the founding of The Foundation with strict stipulations on everything from pieces not being loaned to opening the collection up to the public. The personality of Dr. Barnes along with the influx of public spectators, effected funding of The Foundation along with the neighbors cooperation of keeping the Foundation in the residential area. Having personally seen the collection organized in the original mansion, I can attest to the fact that the placement of art combined with the design of the mansion and lighting, was in fact an ingenious, unique, and quite an awe-inspiring experience. I can also attest to the fact, that for art lovers, the announcement that The Barnes Foundation had to find a new location, was extremely disappointing, to put it mildly.

In 2012 The Barnes Foundation moved to Philadelphia. I visited with my breath held and almost skipped with glee upon realizing that the integrity of Dr. Barnes’ vision in the creation of the original foundation was in tact, even keeping the integrity of the original lighting placement and ceiling height! Can you read the excitement in my voice? It really is a magical place where art comes alive and time stands still. If you’re a art lover and are ever in Philly you have to hit The Parkway to see it!

Sources:

The Barnes Foundation

It Happens To All Of Us

My youngest eats way more french fries than my older kids ever did!

So I did a thing. It happened in an instant before I even realized what I was doing. I had just took a break from playing outside with my four year old, as forty-five year old mommies sometimes have to do, and was thinking how different parenting at this age is. Yes, I know having a child is a gift not every woman gets, even when she wants it so desperately. Yes, I know that women have babies at all ages and things couldn’t be better for them. However, what I also know is what it was like to be pregnant before my twentieth birthday with my first son. I also know what it was like to be pregnant and a parent at twenty-three with my second son, then at thirty with my daughter. So if there is one thing I know for myself is that being a mom over forty is extremely different. I’m sure it wouldn’t have even phased me if I only knew forty-something pregnancy and parenting, but alas that’s not the case. The energy is different, and I get on the slide and the swing and do soccer and the whole nine, I’m not cutting corners here! It’s tiring in a way it just never was before. Of course emotionally, mentally, and financially it’s better but, and I say this all the time, I was Martha stinkin Stewart when I was in mommy mode in my twenties and thirties! I was homemaking; refinishing furniture, decorating the house, having dinner parties. I was mom extraordinaire; gift closet so I always was prepared, extras for when the kids had company, all games pieces in little zip loc bags counted and accounted for, everyone on multi-vitamins, each diet studied and followed to the nth degree , everyone up at a certain time, and in bed like clockwork, etc. etc. etc. Now, if I can get the 4 year old dressed, get him to eat a vegetable, have a day that includes instruction and exercise, get some work done, get a shower myself and dinner for everyone before 7:30… it is a phenomenal day!

When I was a younger mom I was also the sugar police. Forty-five year old mom is off duty apparently!

Somehow I digressed. So the thing I did while I was resting? I thought of someone I know; younger, more kids, who apparently has time for everything including a different hair color and cut every 2 weeks, always looking perky and fresh and seems like all her children are self cleaning… like an oven, and thought, “I don’t know how she does it. Why can’t I get myself together? People must think about me and say, ‘why isn’t she doing more!’” I know better, but I’m telling you it happens to us all. “Don’t compare,” I scolded myself in my head as I was filling my dishwasher. Then I thought well since I brought up the comparison what would I tell a friend if she said she was feeling this way? Would I go down the list of all the reasons my friend’s life was indeed harder? Would I try and minimize comparison-mom and make it seem like she doesn’t really take care of her kids and family that well? Would that help?

Anything blue… are you kidding me? I had a list on the grandparent’s fridge, in the baby sitting folder,(yes, there was one) and each aunt’s house, which all stated, NO BLUE FOODS that don’t grow out of the ground that way. Now look! #oldermomproblems

Actually, what I would say is, “Don’t compare yourself, you two are different. You cannot compare your life to anyone else’s because there are so many variables. Why not just assume young comparison-mom is struggling to keep it together like all moms are,” because we all are aren’t we? In one way or another. We’re all on our mom journey, but no one knows what our shoes feel like on our feet.

We all will occasionally think, “How does… do it?” It’s what we do after the thought that counts. I struggle. I know you do too. 100? I was struggling when I was trying to be Martha stinkin’ Stewart! I know we all are struggling in some way or another. Let’s just look over at the mom in the next lane and give her a knowing head nod, not a mean mug, or superior smirk. It would really help relieve some pressure, don’t you think?