Not What They Expect

I’ve always been a round peg in a square hole. My whole life I’ve never quite fit in. I can pinpoint four reasons, not in any particular order:

I have an affinity for embroidery that suggest I should have lived before my time. Or in at least been born in Istanbul!

• We had very unique parents with a very specific point of view.

• We really didn’t watch tv, mostly news shows, cooking show, and documentaries; pop culture was kind of lost on us.

• We were raised in New England and the family moved to New Jersey, my dad’s birthplace. I was just turning 13. New Jersey, especially Southern Jersey, is it’s own kind of place.

• We were raised to appreciate all types of music, read ferociously, and appreciate people for they are, not how they looked.

Fast forward to last month…

I was on Facebook with some colleagues. This particular group was diverse but I would say at least 70% black, residing in and South of Maryland. The subject was missing live music events and the woman leading this conversation asked, “What is the best concert you’ve ever been to?” Right away I was excited because live music is literally my jam! I’m an avid concert goer and believe nothing beats a live music event with real musical artists. Then I paused. And I looked at the other comments first. Why? Because remember, round peg square hole. Because remember the above demographic statistic on this particular Facebook group.

I can be a very colorful round peg!

As I looked at previous comments I saw:

• Anita Baker

• Luther Vandross

• Prince

• Michael Jackson

• Beyonce

• Alicia Keys

• Among others of similar genres of R&B and R&B/pop cross over.

What are my favorite concerts?

• Weezer

• Prince

• Cold Play

• John Mayer (When he doesn’t talk and just plays the guitar he’s amazing)

• 311

• The Lumineers

• AWOL Nation

• Barbra Streisand

You get my problem? No? Well I may look like I should able to relate to a 70% black female conversation, but, nope, doesn’t happen. What does happen is radio silence and stares. Then comments.

However, I found that I am not the only nerd, post punk, artist, classical music loving, strange clothes wearing black girl. There’s a few of us around. Hard to find, but we’re there. You see us in mosh pits, in Barnes and Nobles, at summer festivals, hiking in state parks, strolling through art galleries, and backpacking around Europe. And that’s why being an entrepreneur has never been a question.

Shorts, hose, and docs… my uniform.

I never fit in so I have always had to make my own way. And now that I’m older, and the world is getting smaller, I meet so many young women who are the same. They feel like they don’t fit in the box that is expected of them. They don’t feel like they fit in any box. And that’s okay. The Boutique by CCPCL and Cici Pagán Creative Living llc in general is really about being seen in a different light. It’s about not just seeing that someone is a round peg and trying to force them into the square hole. It’s about seeing the beauty of being a round peg. It’s about looking for another space to occupy instead of just the square hole. And sometimes it’s seeing that round or square, we’re both shapes that can’t be lived without. Too much of the shape metaphor’s?

The Boutique is about seeing that even when at first glance someone seems to not fit the mold you had in mind that you can look closer. My style may not be your style and may seem completely foreign to you. However, if you look closely you will find elements that we share - hand painted wearable art, small classic jewelry, large statement pieces, multifunctional clothing. My hope is that regardless of what your style, background, or view, you’ll be able to see a piece of yourself in me, and see we are all the same just put together a little differently.

My affinity for Birkenstock’s is well documented.