It Happens To All Of Us
My youngest eats way more french fries than my older kids ever did!
So I did a thing. It happened in an instant before I even realized what I was doing. I had just took a break from playing outside with my four year old, as forty-five year old mommies sometimes have to do, and was thinking how different parenting at this age is. Yes, I know having a child is a gift not every woman gets, even when she wants it so desperately. Yes, I know that women have babies at all ages and things couldn’t be better for them. However, what I also know is what it was like to be pregnant before my twentieth birthday with my first son. I also know what it was like to be pregnant and a parent at twenty-three with my second son, then at thirty with my daughter. So if there is one thing I know for myself is that being a mom over forty is extremely different. I’m sure it wouldn’t have even phased me if I only knew forty-something pregnancy and parenting, but alas that’s not the case. The energy is different, and I get on the slide and the swing and do soccer and the whole nine, I’m not cutting corners here! It’s tiring in a way it just never was before. Of course emotionally, mentally, and financially it’s better but, and I say this all the time, I was Martha stinkin Stewart when I was in mommy mode in my twenties and thirties! I was homemaking; refinishing furniture, decorating the house, having dinner parties. I was mom extraordinaire; gift closet so I always was prepared, extras for when the kids had company, all games pieces in little zip loc bags counted and accounted for, everyone on multi-vitamins, each diet studied and followed to the nth degree , everyone up at a certain time, and in bed like clockwork, etc. etc. etc. Now, if I can get the 4 year old dressed, get him to eat a vegetable, have a day that includes instruction and exercise, get some work done, get a shower myself and dinner for everyone before 7:30… it is a phenomenal day!
When I was a younger mom I was also the sugar police. Forty-five year old mom is off duty apparently!
Somehow I digressed. So the thing I did while I was resting? I thought of someone I know; younger, more kids, who apparently has time for everything including a different hair color and cut every 2 weeks, always looking perky and fresh and seems like all her children are self cleaning… like an oven, and thought, “I don’t know how she does it. Why can’t I get myself together? People must think about me and say, ‘why isn’t she doing more!’” I know better, but I’m telling you it happens to us all. “Don’t compare,” I scolded myself in my head as I was filling my dishwasher. Then I thought well since I brought up the comparison what would I tell a friend if she said she was feeling this way? Would I go down the list of all the reasons my friend’s life was indeed harder? Would I try and minimize comparison-mom and make it seem like she doesn’t really take care of her kids and family that well? Would that help?
Anything blue… are you kidding me? I had a list on the grandparent’s fridge, in the baby sitting folder,(yes, there was one) and each aunt’s house, which all stated, NO BLUE FOODS that don’t grow out of the ground that way. Now look! #oldermomproblems
Actually, what I would say is, “Don’t compare yourself, you two are different. You cannot compare your life to anyone else’s because there are so many variables. Why not just assume young comparison-mom is struggling to keep it together like all moms are,” because we all are aren’t we? In one way or another. We’re all on our mom journey, but no one knows what our shoes feel like on our feet.
We all will occasionally think, “How does… do it?” It’s what we do after the thought that counts. I struggle. I know you do too. 100? I was struggling when I was trying to be Martha stinkin’ Stewart! I know we all are struggling in some way or another. Let’s just look over at the mom in the next lane and give her a knowing head nod, not a mean mug, or superior smirk. It would really help relieve some pressure, don’t you think?