Face My Weight

So I never talk about weight on the gram, on Facebook, never here in my blog… but, here I go.

The reality is I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been.

Through to my early twenties I never had a weight issue. At 5’3” I’ve always had an athletic build but maintained 129lbs, to 135lbs even after my first child. I went through my aerobic step phase and had a true six pack. I dated a jock and we worked out together. Blah, blah, blah, right? Who cares? The reality is right this minute, at 45, still 5’3” I weigh more than I have my whole life.

Is there a reason? Three more children? Nope, because I’ve always been able to get under control at least within two years after birth; it’s four years since giving birth to my youngest. Is it fibromyalgia? My fibromyalgia does make it harder to loose weight due to two factors: low serotonin, and FMS related edema. That’s not it though. The reality is, it’s stress. It is so much stress, at times I feel like I’m drowning. That’s the reality.

The effect my husband’s brain cancer has had is indescribable. A toddler in the mist of this and a teenage daughter? Need I say more? Add to it, aging parents - my mom with stage 4 metastatic breast cancer. Loosing my grandson… the list goes on. I’ll spare you rest of the details. I know there are many that can relate. Just tell me why I can’t be the women who can’t eat? Who gets emaciated from the stress? And it’s not the eating, in fact I’m not a big eater. I have, in full disclosure however, gotten away from being 85% clean.

The first workout is always the hardest!

So here I am. Fat and still stressed. I’m now at a weight I feel unhealthy and uncomfortable. The self care advocate who takes care of everyone now needs to, “heal thyself.”

I have a plan. I have to do it. Consider this a manifesto. The goal? To go back to eating at least 80% / 20%, and my weight and my stress with movement.